Last month, Duane Chapman honored his late wife with a heartfelt birthday tribute. Beth would have been 52.

But on the Dog’s Most Wanted season finale, Duane’s pain was even more fresh and raw.

He even confessed to experiencing suicidal ideation out of his desire to join his beloved in death.

“I’m so glad I had her the little time that I did,” Duane “Dog The Bounty Hunter” Chapman confessed to the cameras.

His wife, Beth Chapman, had died after a lengthy battle with cancer, but Duane was not ready to let her go.

“I’m only been alone as I showered and I had to run out of there without a towel,” he confessed.

Duane said that he had done so “because I can’t be alone right now.”

He explains that spending time alone with his thoughts leads to some pretty horrifying impulses.

“That’s when I start thinking about things,” Duane confesses.

“And I start to take a nap,” he adds, referring to another instance in which the reality of Beth’s passing strikes him.

“And I reached over to touch something,” Duane describes. “And it was the freakin’ dog.”

“I don’t realize yet psychologically that she’s gone and I’ll never ever see her,” Duane admits.

He emphasizes that he hasn’t fully processed the loss, saying: “I don’t realize that.”

“I just hope I don’t live very much longer without her,” Duane confessed. Oh no.

“Because now she made the first step, she’s through the gate,” he says. “She’s paved the way for me.”

This is where Duane reveals the exact form of his intrusive thoughts and harmful impulses.

“I want to take a goddamn pain pill so bad,” Duane says.

“I feel like if I did something to myself right now, and passed away, suicidal,” he adds.

Duane continues: “I’d go up to heaven and be like ‘Hi honey,’ and would go, ‘you dumbass why did you do that?’ or would she go ‘wow, you’re here.'”

The bounty hunter and reality star continues, clearly feeling conflicted between his love of life and his love for his departed wife.

“So am I obligated to do that?” Duane asks, feeling hopeless.

There is one piece of good news about his harrowing confession.

Within the episode, a family friend reveals that they moved prescription pills to a place where he cannot easily find or access them.

Suicidal ideation can be the result of clinical depression, but that is not the only instance in which it arises.

Situational depression — that is, when a person has a “reason” to feel hopeless — can lead to suicidal impulses as a response to stress.

While clinical depression is treated with long-term medication and therapy, situational depression can require the same treatments for a shorter time.

In the mean time, the family friend did exactly the right thing by moving an immediate danger out of Duane’s reach.

The good news is that this episode was filmed months ago, and Duane has had this time to cope.

He has the support of family and friends, who can spend time with him and keep him occupied with thoughts beyond grief and loss.

It is not uncommon for those who believe in some sort of afterlife to feel the urge to join their dearly departed loved one.

We hope that Duane continues to cope, emotionally and mentally, with Beth’s passing.

View Slideshow: Celebrities Who Died in 2019: In Memoriam

It has now been four months since Dog’s Most Wanted star Duane Chapman lost his beloved Beth to cancer.

Tuesday, October 29, would have been Beth’s birthday.

Now, Duane and other family members are honoring their dearly departed loved one on the day when she would have turned 52.

“Sooooo in love with this guy,” Beth once captioned a photo of her with Duane sharing a tender moment on the porch.

October 29 was her birthday, and Duane honored her by sharing the throwback photo, reposting it with the caption intact.

The tender flashback to happier times, accompanied by Beth’s own words, was a thoughtful and emotional gesture.

Duane has been very honest about how deeply his emotional and physical health have suffered since Beth’s passing.

Duane also wrote out a message of his own.

“There will never be another like you,” he affirmed of his late wife.

Duane added: “Happy birthday Beth!”

Celebrating a recently deceased loved one’s birthday can be extremely difficult, but it can also be cathartic and healing.

Beth’s daughter, Bonnie Chapman, also posted a lengthy tribute to her late mother.

“I miss you everyday. … Wish I could celebrate with you one last time,” Bonnie wrote.

“Thank you for being there for my graduation,” she expressed. “Now I’m so thankful I have that moment with you.”

“Happy birthday angel, I miss you with all my heart,: Bonnie added. “Thank you for everything you’ve taught me.”

“Thank you so much for bringing me into this world, wiping my tears and being there for me,” Bonnie continued.

She expressed: “Thank you for fighting for me when I had waking pneumonia, thank you for having faith that I’ll get better.”

“I’ve heard a little about that day and how you were so happy that I was going to have a normal life finally,” Bonnie added.

“You gave that to me, your faith saved me,” she noted. “I miss you so much today, waking up and knowing one of the halves that made me are gone.”

“I notice it every day, but today hurts a little more,” Bonnie admitted. “I miss your laugh and your overwhelming confidence.”

“I miss being able to text you about something, and you going into mama bear mode and being protective over me,” she shared.

“I miss your arms around me, I miss your voice,” Bonnie lamented.

“I miss the way you said my name,” she added. “And the way you cheered me on for anything I did.”

“Today was the day we’d shower you in flowers and gifts, and usually one was a precious moment. You loved those so much!” Bonnie recalled.

“Words can’t describe how a daughter misses her mother,” she admitted.

“It feels like a big part of me is gone,” Bonnie described. “And it breaks my heart to know it’ll never come back.”

“I wish you would come back home, I’d do anything to see you walk through that door one last time,” she expressed.

“I wish you were here, I’d give anything to give a hug,” Bonnie concluded. “Happy 52nd, I wish you didn’t have to celebrate in heaven.”

View Slideshow: Celebrities Who Died in 2019: In Memoriam

Over the weekend, Duane Chapman was rushed to the hospital over concerns that he had suffered a heart attack.

The Dog’s Most Wanted star turned out to be more or less okay.

Now, Duane has sat down and explained that he ended up in the hospital because of a broken heart.

“You don’t pray, you go through it, let me tell you,” Duane tells a reporter in the video that we have included.

“It was just, you know, the center,” Duane recalls. “I just couldn’t breathe.”

“It was like … I’d ran a 3 to 4 mile run,” he explains. “You know how you feel when you get like that?”

(For most of us, the feeling we get after a 1 mile jog is enough to prevent us from learning what four times that is like. Walking is just fine, thanks)

Wisely, his assistant rushed him to the emergency room. Don’t take chances with your life.

“I guess things happen like that,” Duane reflects.

“A lot of psychological things go through your brain when this happens, you know?” he says to the reporter.

He is speaking of course of the passing of his late wife, Beth, who died just a few months ago after a battle with throat cancer.

And he is correct that emotional stress can have a catastrophic effect upon health, both directly and by causing an unhealthy change in habits.

(If you’re not eating right or sleeping right, your health will pay the price)

“So,” Duane explains. “Something’s gotta break.”

“I’m still going through some, ah, psychological things right now, too,” Duane relates.

“So,” he continues. “That doesn’t help, you know?”

“I, I, I uh,” Duane begins before trailing off, and you can tell that his voice is breaking.

Even with those dark glasses on, you can tell that he is crying.

“Basically,” he says in a softer tone. “I had a broken heart.”

Duane does add an optimistic note after making that painful confession.

“Of course,” he notes. “It’s going to heal.”

He’s right.

The first months — even the first years — after a tragic loss are harder than most people can imagine.

Reality can be cruel as you think or dream of a loved one only to recall that they have passed.

Over time, you no longer forget. It’s still painful, but it’s no longer shocking — just part of your life.

Obviously, a “broken heart” is not a medically recognized condition for anyone who isn’t Padme Amidala.

But the effects that stress can have on the body are extremely well-documented and still being researched.

As we mentioned, poor nutrition and poor sleep are often symptoms of stress and grief.

With stress comes changes in blood pressure and heartrate, which can also adversely impact one’s health.

In extreme cases, people can stress themselves into an early grave.

Doctors did speak to Duane at length, urging him to take better care of himself despite Beth’s passing.

Remember, ruining your own health does nothing to honor loved ones who are gone.

The best that you can do is honor their memory by living your life to the fullest.

Though beloved Dog’s Most Wanted star Beth Chapman passed away this summer, she still appears on TV alongside her husband.

As viewers saw in the season premiere, Beth’s strong personality had not waned in the slightest even in her final weeks and months.

Even when she and Duane came into conflict, they quickly and affectionately found a resolution. In that way, Beth lives on.

On the season premiere of Dog’s Most Wanted, the group had a run of bad luck while tracking down a fugitive in Hawaii.

“Let’s call it off,” Duane told the crew. “It’s getting dark so here’s the deal”

“The son comes once in a while, well, once in a while was today,” he acknowledged.

“So, if we catch the dad,” he reasoned. “We may trade the dad for the son.”

Beth made it clear that she did not think much of that plan, uttering a very disapproving “Wow!”

Duane did not initially seem to register how strongly Beth felt about this.

“Yeah,” he told his wife. “I’ll let you go. You find your kid.”

Beth did not agree to that plan.

“What do you mean? He’s got five warrants,” she exclaimed. “I don’t think you can do that.”

Trade-offs are rarely a good idea, even if they look dramatic in movies.

“OK, well I’ll lie to him all right?” Duane said, then jokingly adding: “Like you do to me.”

You may have guessed this already, but that did not sooth Beth’s mood.

Kind of the opposite.

Duane realized what he had said and went about apologizing to his beloved wife.

He gave her a tender kiss and opted for the entire group to call it a night.

As always, Beth was his first priority. Viewers are going to see a lot of that this season — Beth’s final season.

Back in July, just weeks after Beth’s tragic passing, Duane spoke about how vital her role was on the show.

“My wife is, was, and always will be the heart and soul of Dog’s Most Wanted,” he affirmed in a statement.

This was when the new season’s premiere date was first announced.

“Beth wanted nothing more than for the show to go on,” he stated. “And I am so proud of the legacy that she left behind.”

“She lived and died for this show,” Duane noted. “And she would be so proud of how hard we worked bringing these criminals to justice.”

The premiere featured a heated moment at a gas station as multiple members of Duane’s crew jumped on a car

Beth described the move as a rookie mistake, because jumping on a car will get you injured while doing little but panicking the driver.

She was grateful that there were no apparent serious injuries.

Beth explained that, had they not jumped on the car in a vain effort to restrain it, Beth herself could have rammed the vehicle with her own.

That, she explained, would have had much more impact upon the fugitive’s ability to flee.

The argument that ensued among the crew was a natural result of high tensions, adrenaline, and a lot of strong personalities in one place.

Beth’s personality continues to shine through in these episodes, and one imagines that she will do so all season.

And while the show sometimes appears to be a PSA about how 1800s bounty hunting laws should be repealed or at least updated, it’s fun to keep up with the chapmans.

Viewers hope that they will receive closure from seeing more of Beth.

Others simply cannot handle watching the woman whose death they have been grieving for months.

View Slideshow: Celebrities Who Died in 2019: In Memoriam

Despite rumors that he’d found a new lady, Duane Chapman has affirmed that he’ll love Beth forever.

He and his entire family are still mourning, grappling with the terrible loss of Beth. She was so young.

Now, he reveals that one tool that they use to cope is surprisingly simple: old episodes of Dog’s Most Wanted.

Duane “Dog The Bounty Hunter” Chapman opened up to In Touch Weekly to explain how he and his family are coping with Beth’s tragic passing.

It turns out that they’re using old episodes from their reality career where they can see Beth again.

“I’m sure we’re not going to have it runnin’ 24/7 like some freak,” Duane says.

“But if they want to see mom, they just tune in WGN America,” he announces.

Duane adds: “The show speaks for her.”

That is the strangest (possibly unintentional) network endorsement that we’ve ever herad.

The family got the idea of watching old episodes from Beth herself.

When she lived, she would rewatch old episodes — episodes that featured her late father, Gary Smith.

“I would walk in and she’d be watching that show,” Duane recalls.

“I [asked], ‘What are you doing?’ She said, ‘Oh, just talking to Pop,'” he shares.

Yes, that sounds exactly like Beth.

To be clear, Duane isn’t the only one doing this.

A lot of this is by their many, many children.

“Now that’s her blood, some of those kids,” Duane reminds the world.

“And the ones that ain’t her blood,” he adds. “She raised.”

They miss her a great deal. Any time with her, even just a recording, means the world to them.

Like all families, the Chapmans have had their ups and downs — particularly since there are so many strong personalities in the family.

“[Beth] said, ‘I hope that if I die, … I hope it brings the family back,’” Duane recalls.

He explains that this is “’cause they’re a normal family. They gripe about, ‘They got paid more than me. You love them more than me.'”

Duane happily shares: “[Now], all the kids are getting along very good.”

That’s great news.

Duane and the kids aren’t the only ones missing Beth day in and day out.

The couple’s beloved dogs also loved Beth — and they miss her, too.

“They know mommy’s not there,” Duane reveals.

“They come to me and they just will not leave me,” he adds.

“They’re like boom, boom — like two lions, they walk around. …” Duane characterizes.

He concludes: “At 9:30 they come and tell me come to bed.”

(Honestly, is there any being on earth that loves a scheduled bedtime more than dogs?)

Grief strikes all families. All too often, so does cancer.

Suddenly, you lose someone who was a huge part of your life for years — for decades — for all of your life.

Not everyone is able to find a coping strategy right away, let a lone a healthy one.

To make matters worse, what works for one person might not work for another.

It’s a relief that at least some of the Chapman family have found a way to make themselves feel close to Beth once again.

View Slideshow: Celebrities Who Died in 2019: In Memoriam