Aside from its current residents, no one knows exactly what's going on inside Kensington Palace.
But we think it's safe to say these are wild times behind the palace walls.
For one thing, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry won't be laying their heads at Kensington for much longer.
The couple will be relocating to the awesomely named Frogmore Cottage, where they'll presumably enjoy high tea with a dapper toad who's always consulting his pocket watch.
Whimsical fantasies aside, the possible reasons for Meghan and Harry's move have fueled constant speculation.
Many have concluded that the long-rumored Meghan vs. Kate Middleton feud has reached a fever pitch, and it was decided that the best solution is simply to separate the two combatants.
It sounds like typical tabloid fodder, but the situation has become so dire that Kensington Palace actually released a statement about the supposed feud.
And apparently, it's not just Kate that Meg is locking horns with these days.
Recent weeks have seen numerous reports of royal staffers quitting because of Meghan and her alleged diva-like demands.
Again, it sounded like the sort of thing the British tabloid press loves to fabricate out of whole cloth, but now the evidence is piling up.
Last week, Meghan's assistant, Melissa Toubati, unexpectedly quit her job.
Sources close to the situation say Toubati felt she had been "terrorized" by Meghan throughout her brief tenure.
Now, another royal staffer is departing her post, and once again, Meghan is being blamed.
The Daily Mail is reporting today that Meghan and Harry's interim private secretary, Samantha "The Panther" Cohen, has declared that she will not seek permanentÂ employment with the couple and will instead resign after Meghan gives birth.
As her hilarious nickname indicates, Cohen is no shrinking violet.
The Panther is a 50-year-old Australian who was selected due to her tireless work ethic and tough-as-nails attitude.
"Sam will be a huge loss," a source close to Meghan told the Mail.
"Going forward, Meghan might need someone cut from a slightly different cloth to traditional courtiers, who is not a career civil servant or royal insider."
Yes, Cohen was chosen for her reputation as a badass, and even she wasn't badass enough for Meg.
So who what sort of assistant is the Duchess of Sussex looking for now?
Well, it seems she has some very specific requirements in mind.
"Meghan needs someone with reserves of energy and patience to help her define her future role," the source says.
Feel free to gank "I need someone withÂ reserves of energy and patience to help me define my future role" for your Tinder profile.
Of course, if you don't have a royal title in front of your name, you might not be able to pull it off.