We regret to inform you that the geniuses behind Goop are at it again…
Gwyneth Paltrow‘s website went viral for all the wrong reasons a couple months ago when the actress promoted a bunch of Mother’s Day themed sex toys ahead of that day for moms. Now, with Father’s Day ahead, the 49-year-old star is at it again — but this time, she’s got dad’s sex life in mind instead of momma’s bedroom habits!
Ooooookay…
The lifestyle site’s gift guide was just published prior to the holiday (which is on Sunday in the US, so call your dad!). And the guide lays out why fathers totally deserve happiness and sexual pleasure from a variety of “guy-pleasers” up for sale.
We do have to give Gwyneth a little bit of credit! To kick off the Father’s Day Gift Guide promo, Goop pokes fun at themselves by writing:
“Dads, brothers, uncles, boyfriends, and husbands have not seen much in the way of innovation. But rather than reinvent this wheel, we decided it would be more fun to Goop the s**t out of it.”
LOLz!
That’s honestly pretty funny. And “Goop the s**t out of it,” they dad did! In fact, things turned really graphic REALLY quickly!
Related: Gwyneth Finally Responds To Theory Kourtney Kardashian Copied Goop With Poosh!
The 58-item list has some traditional suggestions for the more conservative dads out there, including button-down shirts, a super-expensive watch, and various tech gadgets. Also for sale is a massage gun, various health supplements for busy dads on the go, an extravagant workout bike, and more.
Forever an incredible salesperson, Paltrow pushes pairs of these items onto potential shoppers in the guide, explaining to them that it’s “worth buying in twos — one for him, one for you.”
The Goop staff pitches:
“There’s no better compliment than giving the guy in your life something that you would legitimately wear or use yourself.”
Yeah, and doubling the final total in the online shopping cart, too. Clever how that ends up working out, right?!
But the guide also includes a few eyebrow-raising trinkets, including two different varieties of vibrating sex rings that each cost more than $100, and a $200 “penile masturbation device” guaranteed to give dads and their partners “the best sex.”
Two hundred bucks for a masturbation device?! In THIS economy??
Related: Gwyneth Gets Emotional In Very Rare Interview With Ex Brad Pitt! Wow!
Goop’s vibrating sex rings are apparently legit. They are designed to be “sleek toys for stimulating the perineum during sex,” per the guide. And the $200 penile masturbation device is part of a shopping section of the online store that is chock full of “near-universal wellness essentials, but for the most part, it’s different strokes for different folks.”
“Different strokes,” huh? You really had to go there, Gwyneth?! Ha!!
BTW, if you’re trying to spend even more money this Father’s Day, there are other expensive family-friendly options! You could opt for the $510 wireless charger (?!), the $600 sauna blanket (!!) or even the $10,624 watch (!!!!) if you really feel like showing Dad love. Yeah…
If you’re curious and have some extra cash to burn, you can check out the entire guide HERE.
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[Image via Gwyneth Paltrow/Instagram]
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