After five decades — no exaggeration — of being accused of crimes, Donald Trump was indicted for the first time on Thursday. Despite most of his many legal problems seeming weightier, the charges in his first indictment don’t come from extorting a foreign leader or stealing nuclear secrets. They come from hooking up with a porn star.

Yes, the former POTUS is reportedly facing 34 counts of falsifying business records, presumably all as a result of the $130,000 hush money payment to Stormy Daniels. Because the payment was made in October 2016, a decade after the affair but a month before his first election, it’s also likely a campaign finance violation.

We’ve already heard what the Donald has to say about all this. Besides his antisemitic dog-whistling and conspiracy theory pushing screed of an official statement, he also took to Truth Social to complain:

“These Thugs and Radical Left Monsters have just INDICATED the 45th President of the United States of America, and the leading Republican Candidate, by far, for the 2024 Nomination for President.”

LOLz! “Indicated.” This man was our president.

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But we’re curious what Melania Trump has to say about all this! Obviously the FFLOTUS (Former First Lady of the United States) has stood by her man through a multiyear storm of scandals, from the 20+ sexual assault allegations to his Jeffrey Epstein association, from obstruction of justice to incitement of insurrection. But we heard she never quite got over the whole Stormy Daniels thing. Unlike all those other cases, this was a violation against her. Donald allegedly had unprotected sex with a porn star while she was at home, having just given birth to the couple’s son Barron.

Before the indictment news dropped, a source who knows her socially down in Mar-a-Lago told People Melania “doesn’t sympathize with Donald’s plight” in this case because she “remains angry” about the cheating!

So what does she think about the indictment? A source told DailyMail.com:

“Mrs. Trump is strong. She is focused on her family and stands behind her husband, as she always has. For the past 7 years, the left has made multiple attempts to smear and attack her family and this is just the latest attempt to bring him down.”

This… doesn’t sound like Melania. Hmm. It certainly sounds like someone defending Trump, maybe even with the last name Trump. But we don’t know if we buy this sentiment was approved by Melania. We’re curious to see what the controversial First Lady has to say herself — though we won’t hold our breath on that one.

The statement may be just part of keeping up appearances, which she’s also doing in public. She literally stood by his side during a public dinner in his West Palm Beach resort Thursday night. If she’s angry, she’s doing a good job hiding it.

As usual, we don’t know what to think about Ol’ Melanie. Does she hate Trump as much as some suspect? Is she trapped in a gilded cage? Is she knowingly and willingly complicit in all the bad behavior in return for a life of luxury? What do YOU think, Perezcious pundits??

[Image via HBO Max/Jimmy Kimmel Live/ABC/YouTube.]

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