Meghan Trainor is getting candid about her “traumatic” childbirth experience.

As you may know, the 29-year-old singer welcomed her first child with husband Daryl Sabara, a baby boy named Riley, via cesarean section in 2021. However, what started as one of the happiest days of their lives soon became a nightmare for the new parents. Meghan previously revealed her baby boy started having breathing issues shortly after he was born and was rushed to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), where he spent several days receiving treatment until he was able to go home. The whole experience was no doubt difficult for both Meghan and Daryl. And now, the pop star is opening up some more about her birth story.

In an excerpt from her upcoming book Dear Future Mama published by People, she recalled the “tense” energy in the room when everyone realized Riley was not OK:

“Daryl’s face was panicked, but as freaked out as I felt inside, the drugs I’d been given for the surgery wouldn’t let me panic. Good thing I was drugged, or I’d have jumped up with a gaping hole in my belly and run right after them.”

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Riley was quickly moved to the NICU with Daryl while Meghan was left alone to be sewn up by the doctors, feeling “devastated” over not being there with her baby:

“I was alone, without Daryl or Riley, and I wasn’t sure if my baby could even breathe. Would he be okay? Would Daryl be okay, up there on his own with this crisis? The drugs and the stress made it seem like everything was happening in slow motion. I didn’t feel pain, but I could feel the sensation of every tool inside me. I felt and heard a suction tool up by my ribs. I could still smell my own burning flesh.”

We cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak she must have felt at the time. She added, telling People:

“Usually when you’re being sewn up for 45 minutes, you’re like, ‘Look at my gorgeous baby. We did it. This is everything.’ But I was laying there alone. In the moment, I was so drugged up, I was calling my mom, and she’s crying on the phone, like, ‘Are you okay?’ And I was like, ‘We’re fine.’ And then when I tell people what happened, they’re like, ‘Jesus Christ,’ and I’m like, ‘Yeah, that was kind of messed up, right?’”

While her doctor attempted to “lighten the mood by telling me my insides were beautiful,” Meghan said she “couldn’t laugh,” adding:

“I tried to get myself to take a nap to make the time pass faster, but I knew where I was and the reality I was facing, and it was too scary to fall asleep.”

Once she was transported into a recovery room, the All About That Bass artist was fortunately able to FaceTime Daryl to see Riley – and got understandably emotional seeing her little one hooked up to machines:

“I cried when I saw all the tubes and cords connected to him. He felt so far away. But I was also distracted by his beauty and by the fact that he was a real person out in the world. I couldn’t wait to hold him, rock him, nurse him, kiss him.”

For the two days they spent apart, Meghan said it was “torture to know that he was so close and yet out of my reach.” While seeing their son in the NICU was a tough experience, the momma noted she “felt blessed knowing that what Riley was going through was survivable,” adding:

“It took five days in the NICU to finally get Riley cleared to come home. We all snuggled in the hospital bed together and talked about how beautiful he was. And the next morning, we packed our bags and headed home.”

But once the family of three returned home, Meghan felt something was wrong. The Grammy winner told People that she started to be plagued with nightmares and flashbacks to her C-section:

“I couldn’t go to sleep at night. I would be in tears and tell Daryl, ‘I’m still on that table, dude. I’m trapped there. I can’t remind myself I’m in bed and I’m safe at home.”

Oh no. She added:

“I had to learn how traumatic it was.”

She soon sought help and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. Meghan remembers what her therapist told her one time, saying:

“So, you know how you cry every night when you go to bed and you feel the pain, even though there’s no pain left, and it comes back to you? It’s chemical reactions in your brain. Something’s off, and we have to open that up and heal that wound.”

Thankfully, Meghan – who is expecting her second child – shared she is doing well after going to therapy:

“I just worked through it. Time heals all.”

We’re glad Meghan is in a better place now! This must have been so scary for both Daryl and her. Reactions, Perezcious readers? Let us know in the comments below. You can also read the entire book excerpt HERE.

[Image via Meghan Trainor/Instagram, MEGA/WENN]

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