Chelsea Handler is tired of birth control… and men!
The comedian took to Instagram Sunday to advocate for a couple health procedures — one for fellow women, and one for men. The clip opened with her topless in bed, holding her breasts, as she gave herself a “mammogram.” She opened:
“Oh, hello. It’s me, Chesty Handlerberg. You caught me giving myself a mammogram. All good, you two.”
The Chelsea Does star then broached the real subject of her video:
“As a woman with natural breasts ––not that that has anything to do with this — it is time to explore vasectomies. Since the beginning of time, women have been ducking and diving and dodging pregnancy face first, or pikachu first, and frankly, they’re exhausted.”
Hey… we’re starting to think this video wasn’t about boobs at all! Pretty clever, Chelsea… she went on:
“We’ve had to listen to men say things like ‘Girl, but using a condom doesn’t feel so good,’ or, ‘Can’t you just take birth control?’ or, ‘Oops, I forgot to pull out.’ Enough, you horny little pigs in blankets! Do you know how painful it is to get an IUD placed? It feels like a mouse trap in your uterus. And sometimes those things don’t even catch all the mice. And birth control? You think I want to be an adult woman with acne? Or have mood swings? Or get a period so heavy it feels like the Hoover Dam just broke? I don’t.”
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The Chelsea Lately alum continued:
“Everybody already hates women enough, I don’t need my insides to join in on the fun. Women are tired of making concessions for men — especially in the bedroom. We have already been through enough letting you wear socks while you penetrate us. So man up, men, and if you can’t do that, enjoy the company of your hand.”
The clip concluded with a mock infomercial, with the 48-year-old giddily reciting:
“Vasectomies: One snip and that’s it.”
Watch the hilarious vid (below):
Quite the stern message! Men, what’s your response?? 
[Images via Chelsea Handler/Instagram]
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