Buckle up, readers.

Put on a pot of coffee.

Get comfortable.

David Eason jumped on TikTok this week for a back-and-forth with fans, touching on his estranged wife’s recent separation filing and hurling endless amounts of shade at Jenelle Evans in what can only be described an an EPIC RANT.

Rocking a hilarious set of braids as a new hairdo, Eason started off hot.

“Why did we split? Because Jenelle cheated on me. She’s been cheating for years, actually,” he alleged, prior to noting that he was “Netflixing and chilling” last Friday night with a woman that had large breasts.

In legal documents obtained by The Sun several days, Evans cited February 16 as the official date of the break-up and stating she has the “intent that the separation be permanent.”

She referred to “disturbing behavior” on the part of Eason, even bringing up David having killed the family dog in 2019.

And when a TikTok user also mentioned this homicide?

Eason responded in calm and collected fashion. Or… the exact opposite, really.

“Where’s your f-cking Nugget? I will eat that motherf-cker!” he told the individual.

“I’ll put hot sauce on his ass. I’ll make a jacket out of that motherf-cker.”

Totally normal response here, we’d say.

Eason, meanwhile, is also facing a felony charge at the moment for allegedly having strangled Jenelle’s 14-year old son, Jace.

He made no mention of this charge in his TikTok rant.

“Let me tell you, I am so happy to have my old friends back, that she pushed out of my life,” he said, claiming relief over the separation. “It’s unreal, dude. Nobody wanted to come around me because of her.”

Eason then elaborated on how Jenelle feels about, well… people.

“She doesn’t like nobody,” David said of his spouse.

“She has a problem with every single person — every friend of mine, every family member of mine. She’s pushed them all out of my life.”

Eason also said he’s tired of being controlled by Jenelle.

“I’m sick of her not letting me go to work, not letting me go to my friend’s house, not letting me go fishing,” he told followers. “Not letting me go play pool. Not even letting me go to the f-cking store.”

Ironically, on the topic of control, Evans has said Eason won’t allow her to file for divorce.

Using some crass language, Eason went on to push back against the accusation that he’s a broke deadbeat.

“That bitch ain’t got no money! She never had money, because she always blows it,” he said of Evans.

“And she says I blow it? Please tell me what I blow money on? ‘Cause you can’t prove it, but you can prove what you blew your money on.”

Eason is living on his boat these days because he’s not legally permitted to be around Jace at the moment.

In her separation filing, Jenelle slammed Eason for never stopping by to see his adopted or biological children while living away from his former property.

Evans claims Eason showed up to this residence on February 22, however, despite a no-contact order against him for Jace.

“For the purpose of harassing or annoying plaintiff, defendant took plaintiff’s vehicle without her permission and told her to kill herself among other vile insults, which plaintiff filmed the interaction for her safety,” Evans wrote in her filing.

Pushing back against claims that he’s “struggling” financially, Eason told viewers:

“I have several businesses and several forms of income.”

It’s unclear to what he’s referring here.

“I don’t need a job that I have anyone to answer to,” David claimed.

“I’m about to start hiring people. I’ve got so much work lined up that I’m not gonna be able to do it all this week. Y’all have no f-cking idea.”

Late in his TikTok, Eason whined over the way Jenelle has treated him, saying her attitude “breaks down a man” and then sending her the following message:

“She can go back and look in the mirror and learn, and maybe change.

“Maybe with the next guy, maybe she’ll tell him she’s sorry when she’s a f-cking bitch …there’s nothing positive about that woman.

“I wish I could say some nice, sweet things but if I did, I’d be picking and choosing what to say, instead of actually telling the truth.”

David Eason Claims Jenelle Evans Cheated on Him, Threatens to Eat TikTok User’s Dog was originally published on The Hollywood Gossip.