[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]

Kevin Smith is getting vulnerable about the “dark place” he was in prior to seeking mental health help.

In January of last year, the Clerks director quietly checked himself into Arizona’s Sierra Tucson treatment center after feeling like he was losing his mind. He described the challenging time as a “complete break from reality,” adding, “it was scary” in a Wednesday interview with People. He recalled of the time:

“At that moment, I wouldn’t have been averse to not being around any longer. I called a friend and said, ‘I’m in a weird, dark place. I need to go somewhere and get help.’”

The Clerks star explained that after a month of intensive therapy, he discovered the root of his waning mental state stemmed from childhood trauma. For years, he realized, he’d subconsciously been hiding behind a “larger than life” public persona, which he refers to as “the other guy.”

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Kevin explained that at just six years old, he was forced by an older boy to perform sexual acts with a girl from his neighborhood — which he’d coped with in his own mind by writing off as kids “just playing doctor in an alleyway.” However, during his time in therapy last year, he realized for the first time the true impact the traumatic even had on him and why. He recalled of his therapist’s take on the situation: 

“When a third party is instructing you to do something against your core values like that, that’s sexual abuse.”’

How traumatizing for poor young Kevin. And the fact that he rationalized the abuse for so many years is just so sad! But that wasn’t the extent of his trauma…

The Cop Out director revealed that three years later, when he was 9, his fourth grade teacher looked at him “with the most abject disgust” and said, “Ugh, the gut on you, Mr. Smith” — in front of the entire class! He recalled of the situation:

“I felt disgusting, like I didn’t matter. That’s when ‘the other guy’ started to appear. I decided to be entertaining and make people love me before they noticed I was fat.”

Wow, how messed up… For an ADULT to pick on such a young child like that?? Disgusting.

Related: Minka Kelly Details Abusive Relationship & Childhood Trauma In New Memoir

By the 1990s, Smith began finding success in Hollywood through movies and comic book writing. He remembered of the time:

“I was already a self-loathing mess. ‘The other guy’ became my favorite piece of clothing to wear. I’d just let him take over.”

However, after suffering with his poor mental state for decades, he was finally ready to address everything in group therapy… though with some understandable hesitation. Group sharing started out tricky for him when he was talking trauma alongside combat veterans: 

“In the beginning, it was tough to share when somebody’s talking about watching their friend get killed and I’m like, ‘Well, my fourth-grade teacher told me I was fat.’”

However, he soon had to accept that his body didn’t know the difference — only that he was hurt:

“But I learned that there’s no differentiation [between levels of trauma] to the human nervous system. Internally, trauma is trauma.”

Through mindfulness exercises, he was able to stay more focused on the present rather than ruminating on his past traumas:

“This was eye opening to me because I’d always spent the majority of my time depressed about the past or anxious over the future.”

Now, he’s enjoying being his “authentic self” after abstaining from smoking weed and reducing his social media time. He added: 

“I’m really interested in seeing if I can finally be comfortable sitting by myself and just be alone with my thoughts.”

We’re proud of him for growing so much! And as for why he’s deciding to open up — well, he feels he could potentially help someone who may be in his position:

“I’m terrified to see everyone’s reaction to [all of this]. But I know there’s somebody out there who doesn’t know this stuff — like I didn’t — who could get something out of this.”

Keep pushing, Kevin! Hear more in a straight-talk video (below):

What are your thoughts on his story, Perezcious readers? Let us know in the comments down below!

If you have sincere cause to suspect child abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child or 1-800-422-4453, or go to www.childhelp.org. 

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence and would like to learn more about resources, consider checking out https://www.rainn.org/resources. 

[Images via People/YouTube]

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