Leave it to Jimmy Kimmel to dress down Hollywood — right to their faces!
The late night host emceed Sunday’s highly-anticipated 95th annual Academy Awards presentation, and his opening monologue is still making us laugh! Of course, at last year’s show, Will Smith kinda shut down the laughs by hitting Chris Rock. But Oscars producers were not going to have a repeat of that messiness this year — so they tasked Kimmel with keeping control over the proceedings!
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The Jimmy Kimmel Live! star kicked off the awards gala with a nod to Top Gun: Maverick. In the cold open, Kimmel was CGI’d into the back of a fighter jet piloted by Tom Cruise. After Kimmel was forced to “eject” from the plane, he was lowered onto the Oscars stage while wearing a parachute and flight suit.
Top Gun-style attendants rushed on stage to grab the parachute and get Kimmel all cleaned up while the crowd roared. Then, as Kimmel walked to the center of the stage, he took a moment to readjust his tuxedo. Along with it, he joked:
“Give me a second to adjust my danger zone here. My banshees are caught in my Inisherin right now.”
LOLz!!
But the real monologue highlights came right after that. And they came quickly!! The 55-year-old addressed the elephant in the room at the start of his speech. He didn’t call out Smith or Rock by name, but Kimmel did allude to 2022’s slap-happy s**t show all the same:
“We know this is a special night for you. We want you to have fun. We want you to feel safe … and, most importantly, we want me to feel safe. So, we have strict policies in place: If anyone in this theater commits an act of violence at any point in this show, you will be awarded the Oscar for Best Actor and permitted to give a 19-minute-long speech.”
Ha!! Of course, that last line is a reference to the Academy’s decision not to kick Smith out of last year’s show right after The Slap. Then, mere minutes after the assault occurred, Will memorably took home the Best Actor award for his performance in King Richard — and proceeded to give a rambling speech about protecting his family.
This time around, Kimmel appropriately joked about how the audience didn’t do a damn thing when last year’s brouhaha began:
“If anything unpredictable or violent happens during this ceremony, just do what you did last year: nothing. Sit there and do absolutely nothing. Maybe even give the assailant a hug. And if any of you get mad at a joke and you decide you want to come up here and get jiggy with it, it’s not going to be easy. There are a few of my friends you’re going to have to get through first.”
Love a good cutting joke directed at Hollywood’s most elite — right as they’re sitting in front of him! BTW, the “few of my friends” Kimmel referenced in that quote included Michael B. Jordan, Michelle Yeoh, Pedro Pascal, and Andrew Garfield. Not a bad group to have close to the stage in case s**t goes down!
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Elsewhere in the monologue, Kimmel did one more extremely topical joke aimed at his audience: he set Ozempic in his sights!
Of course, the diabetes drug has been the focus of quite a bit of attention lately amid rumors that tons of Hollywood stars and other hangers-on are using it to lose weight — despite its health risks to those taking it just for vanity. Jimmy quipped:
“Everybody looks so great. When I look around this room, I can’t help but wonder: ‘is Ozempic right for me?'”
Got ’em!
You can see Jimmy’s full monologue (below):
And from that opener on through, the Oscars ran through the rest of the night without any major hitch. Especially compared to what happened during last year’s shocking show!!
What about your reactions, Perezcious readers?? Share your thoughts about this year’s Academy Awards down in the comments (below)!
[Image via ABC/YouTube]
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