Gerry Turner, the Golden Bachelor himself, is opening up losing his late wife, Toni.

Gerry and Toni were high school sweethearts, and she tragically died in 2017 after suffering from a bacterial infection.

During the season premiere of the show, the Golden Bachelor star looked back on their marriage and broke down in tears. In a new interview, Gerry got vulnerable about moving on from his wife’s death.

Keep reading to find out more…

The first episode of the season was an emotional one. As Gerry spoke about Toni during a confessional interview, he began to cry and then walked out. “The only time I’ve ever felt worse in my whole life is when my wife passed away, and this is a goddamn close second,” he said. “I’m done.”

Gerry reflected on his stages of grief while speaking with Entertainment Tonight about the show. “After Toni passed away, there were many, many dark days,” he recalled. “And I keep thinking, “OK, I’m better. I’m to the point where I’m OK.’”

He continued, “And finally, you know I haven’t shared this very much, but it was about three years in and I have a good friend that recommended a grief counselor. So I went and had a couple visits with the grief counselor and the guy told me, ‘You’re OK.’”

The top 16 women for Gerry‘s season have now been revealed.