On August 21, Camryn Clifford of the family YouTube channel Cam&Fam shared that her husband, Landon Clifford, had died. She did not reveal many details about his passing at the time, aside from noting the 19-year-old had a brain injury and had been in a coma for nearly a week.
On Thursday, the mother of two uploaded a new video to share with her fans what had happened, proclaiming:
“This is definitely going to be the hardest video that I’ve ever had to make.”
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The 19-year-old began by explaining that her husband had been privately struggling with depression, anxiety, and ADHD. When Camryn became pregnant with their second daughter, Delilah, she said her husband began falling harder into a depression:
“There was other things going on with our lives that we didn’t really talk about. Many factors just kind of contributed to the fact that his mental health just wasn’t really great at the time.”
He attempted to get help from a psychiatrist, and was prescribed medication. However, he soon fell into a “vicious cycle” of taking an ADHD prescription in the morning to give him a boost of happiness and productivity, and use the anti-anxiety medication at night to help him with sleeping, but was only supposed to take it when he was having a panic attack.
His medication abuse took a toll on Camryn, who was not immediately aware of what was happening. Once Delilah was born in May, they felt initial happiness, but adjusting from one child to two “hit us hard.” At the time, they announced a break from YouTube — and more privately decided to spend time apart, with their respective families.
They reunited soon after, and the momma of two felt that things were getting better, while Landon continued to take his anti-depressants — but not his other medications.
On August 13, Camryn spent the afternoon with a friend and returned home for her usual nighttime routine with her husband and daughters. However, something was wrong. She recalled Landon apologizing profusely and blaming himself, to which she reminded him how much she loved him and there was nothing he could do to change that.
Landon told her he was going to take a bath, which he did every night. After about 30 minutes, Camryn checked on their oldest daughter, Collette, who was starting to stir. She found the bath empty, and looked for her husband throughout the house.
She eventually found him in the garage, where he had hung himself. He did not leave a note behind.
When emergency services arrived at the house, they had gotten a pulse, but he was later declared brain dead on August 18 after spending days in a coma in the hospital. As a registered organ donor, he was able to help people after death:
“He always put others above himself. Even in death, he was caring about people.”
She recalled their goodbye in the hospital, pointing out the signs she noticed while they were there, including that he was in room 22 and that he was pronounced brain dead at 2:22. The number is significant to them, as their wedding anniversary is June 22.
Camryn explained:
“I know Landon. I know he was not thinking rationally. He’s a very impulsive person. He always has been and he does things without thinking and I think he felt guilty about how everything has gone for the past year and I think he just felt like a burden and like we’d be better off without him, which is so far from the truth and I wish he would have known that. I am heartbroken. Collette is confused. There is no way that we’re better off without him.”
Fighting back tears, she continued:
“If he knew everything that would follow after he did what he did, he wouldn’t have. That’s why I am here to tell his story because there are so many people out there who need to hear about what comes after.”
Watch Camryn’s entire emotional video (below):
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
[Image via Camryn Clifford/Instagram.]
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