[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
In the wake of former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst’s shocking death, an essay she penned last year is resurfacing for its harrowing reflections on aging. As Perezcious readers know, the Miss USA 2019 winner reportedly died by suicide on Sunday. Authorities told The Post that she jumped from her 60-story Orion apartment building on 350 W. 42nd street around 7:15 a.m. She was found dead on the street.
The 30-year-old left behind a note instructing her stuff to be given to her mother, but she did not include a motive for her actions. Earlier in the day, she shared her last social media post to Instagram, writing in the caption:
“May this day bring you rest and peace.”
So, so sad…
Almost one year ago in March 2021, Cheslie published a heartfelt essay via Allure, in which she reflected on “turning 30,” sharing:
“Each time I say ‘I’m turning 30,’ I cringe a little. Sometimes I can successfully mask this uncomfortable response with excitement; other times, my enthusiasm feels hollow, like bad acting. Society has never been kind to those growing old, especially women. (Occasional exceptions are made for some of the rich and a few of the famous.)”
She then went on to discuss the scrutiny she faced after being crowned Miss USA, adding:
“When I was crowned Miss USA 2019 at 28 years old, I was the oldest woman in history to win the title, a designation even the sparkling $200,000 pearl and diamond Mikimoto crown could barely brighten for some diehard pageant fans who immediately began to petition for the age limit to be lowered.
A grinning, crinkly-eyed glance at my achievements thus far makes me giddy about laying the groundwork for more, but turning 30 feels like a cold reminder that I’m running out of time to matter in society’s eyes — and it’s infuriating.”
The beauty queen was particularly frustrated with society’s unwillingness to appreciate aging, especially after the staggering amount of tragedies the globe faced amid the COVID-19 pandemic, saying:
“After a year like 2020, you would think we’d learned that growing old is a treasure and maturity is a gift not everyone gets to enjoy. Far too many of us allow ourselves to be measured by a standard that some sternly refuse to challenge and others simply acquiesce to because fitting in and going with the flow is easier than rowing against the current.”
This wasn’t Kryst’s first time facing an uphill battle, she mused:
“I fought this fight before and it’s the battle I’m currently fighting with 30. How do I shake society’s unwavering norms when I’m facing the relentless tick of time? It’s the age-old question: What happens when ‘immovable’ meets ‘unstoppable?’”
After cultivating an impressive resume — including earning a law degree and MBA at the same time while going to Wake Forest University and attending the University of South Carolina as an undergrad where she was also a track athlete — Cheslie learned that the need to be the best can have consequences. She noted:
“I joined a trial team at school and won a national championship. I competed in moot court; won essay competitions; and earned local, regional, and national executive board positions.”
Her inspiring work ethic came with a downside, she insisted:
“I nearly worked myself to death, literally, until an eight-day stint in a local hospital sparked the development of a new perspective.
I discovered that the world’s most important question, especially when asked repeatedly and answered frankly, is: why? Why earn more achievements just to collect another win? Why pursue another plaque or medal or line item on my resume if it’s for vanity’s sake, rather than out of passion? Why work so hard to capture the dreams I’ve been taught by society to want when I continue to only find emptiness?”
The Extra host went on to address how different she was compared to others competing for the crown, explaining that she won with a “five-foot-six frame with six-pack abs” and a “head of natural curls” while “pageant girls are supposed to be model-tall and slender, don bouffant hair, and have a killer walk.” Despite winning, not everyone was willing to accept change:
“My challenge of the status quo certainly caught the attention of the trolls, and I can’t tell you how many times I have deleted comments on my social media pages that had vomit emojis and insults telling me I wasn’t pretty enough to be Miss USA or that my muscular build was actually a ‘man body.’”
Ugh. Trolls are the worst; Kryst was so beautiful — her age, athleticism, and race should not have been used to send hate.
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Cheslie continued:
“And that was just my looks. My opinions, on the other hand, were enough to make a traditional pageant fan clutch their pearls.
Women who compete in pageants are supposed to have a middle-of-the-road opinion — if any — so as not to offend. I talked candidly about my views on the legalization of marijuana, the [Donald] Trump Administration’s immigration policies, anti-abortion laws, the confirmation of Justice Amy Coney Barrett, and the successes and failures of criminal justice reform.”
Amazing! Even pageant queens should be allowed to speak critically about the world and not just get judged on their looks! The attorney’s journey to be the titleholder encouraged her to live life as she pleased, such as how she celebrated her 29th birthday, remarking:
“In a time when extravagant birthday bashes are the gold standard of celebrations, I was happily stuck in my apartment, parading around in a black silk top, matching shorts, and a floor-length robe while scarfing down banana pudding and screening birthday calls. I even wore my crown around the apartment for most of the day knowing I’d have to give it back at the end of my reign as Miss USA. I did what I wanted rather than the expected.
Now, I now enter year 30 searching for joy and purpose on my own terms — and that feels like my own sweet victory.”
Whoa… Such a heartfelt essay with so many important takeaways, only making the loss of Cheslie that much more painful. You can check out the full reflection HERE. R.I.P.
[Image via Cheslie Kryst/Instagram]
The post Late Miss USA Cheslie Kryst Feared Aging In Heartbreaking Essay On Turning 30: 'Running Out Of Time To Matter' appeared first on Perez Hilton.