Trisha Paytas has responded to the backlash concerning her controversial YouTube video.
As we reported, the online personality divided fans and fellow influencers when she posted a clip declaring she is “one thousand percent” transgender, though she still identifies with her “natural-born gender.” She also said she is “basically a gay man” who likes to dress in drag.
Related: Trisha Paytas’ Does Her Best Mia Wallace Impression
On Tuesday, the vlogger published an emotional, 19-minute video, titled “apology,” where she expresses regret for offending viewers, but also doubles down on her gender identity.
The 31-year-old exclaimed:
“I’m overwhelmed by the amount of backlash… I never would want to offend that community that I’ve been so strong for and admired and loved and allied with for so long. Especially the transgender community.”
However, the reality star is adamant she identifies “as a male” and feels “like a prisoner in my own body and I always have,” adding:
“This is something that I have just felt since I was five, six, seven… As a child I hated my breasts. I hated my vagina… I hated going into the female bathroom. I hated being classified as female. I hated being told to play with, like, Barbies and stuff like that.”
The singer also revealed she is seeing a gender identity therapist, who she has spoken to for the past six months.
Despite issuing one, Paytas has conflicting thoughts about her apology.
“I feel like I should just apologize so people just stop being nasty to me because this is something that I’ve really struggled with… It just sucks because I feel like I’m apologizing and I just don’t want to apologize because it took me so long to get to this point.”
She added:
“I can’t apologize for who I am and how I feel and it sucks that we live in this world and I’m just not allowed to identify as a man because of how I look… I dress up in wigs and makeup, but I’m still a boy too… It’s triggering. It’s PTSD of when I said that I was, like, bisexual. I have come out as gay before too, as lesbian, I thought I was, you know? I’m so scared.”
Though Trisha acknowledges her history of trolling the media and saying “stuff that I don’t mean or I don’t stand by,” she believes she does not deserve being called “stupid.”
“How can you tell me who I am and what I am on the inside? How can you tell me that?… You haven’t been with my struggles mentally. It just sucks… My story and my truth isn’t meant to, like, offend anyone. I didn’t think it would. I wasn’t talking about anyone but myself. For that I apologize because that hurts my heart more than me not being able to be myself.”
WATCH the full clip (below):
[Image via Trisha Paytas/YouTube/Instagram.]
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