Actor and walking, talking thirst trap Chris Evans has been our hero for a long time.
But over the weekend, he became the hero we all needed. The beacon of hope that 2020 was missing.
Of course, when the world cried out for a symbol of hope, a rallying point to distract them from the horrors of this year, they never imagined that the answer would be so ... girthy.
We are talking, of course, about Chris Evans' penis.
Over the weekend, his dick pic leaked. And the world already knows who is responsible for the leak.
Chris Evans accidentally leaked his own dick pic.
No, he wasn't showing off, though the grainy silhouette from a thumbnail image seemed to show plenty of bragging rights.
Instead, he simply had a phone mishap -- the kind that most of us have nightmares about.
See, Chris Evans for some reason opted to screen record a video of his family -- simply playing a game -- in order to share it on social media.
The very end of the screen recording shows his gallery of videos.
The thumbnail images of each video are visible ... and one of them is unmistakably the silhouette of a penis. (We cannot show you that, so we replaced it with the eggplant emoji)
Marvel stans, thirsty fans, and dong connoisseurs alike chimed in, discussing the famous hottie's goods.
The reviews were in and they were overwhelmingly positive. Captain America has more weapons than just a shield.
Curiously, that wasn't even the only eye-catching thumbnail in the short, quickly deleted video.
An image of Chris Evans with the words "guard that p--sy" emblazoned across it ... sir, we have questions.
We do not know the image's origins, but people have been deeply horny for Chris for a long time.
It's just a little surprising that he, personally would have a video featuring that image on his phone.
Chris Evans has not confirmed that the dong in question is his, or otherwise addressed the leak.
Obviously, it is assumed to be his; if it were someone else's penis, we would have even more questions.
His brother, however, has indirectly addressed the leak through this tongue-in-cheek tweet.
Scott, of course, has been the victim of a less accidental leak.
Some time ago, Chris' brother's intimate photos were deliberately shared with the world.
This has prompted a lot of comparisons on Twitter among those who have long memories for dongs, specifically. Most seem to agree that the brothers are similar.
We of course have to address the fact that, even as an accident, this is a tragedy.
If Chris woke up one day and decided to share his penis with the world, millions would gleefully receive it with open ... let's just say open arms and leave it at that.
But though at least this was not a malicious invasion of privacy or an act of revenge porn, this is something that happened to him.
It is perfectly alright for him to feel embarrassed ... even if he does not, by conventional terms, have anything about which to feel embarrassed.
Remember, this could happen to anyone. How many people, suddenly working remotely, have turned on screen sharing without realizing the kinds of inappropriate desktop backgrounds they have.
It's not that they did anything wrong, it's just that you always want to have control over who sees your junk -- or treasure, as the case may be -- and who does not.
