We've reached that point in Peter Weber's season of The Bachelor where producers are just dragging this thing out as long as they possibly can, and they know you won't stop watching because you've already invested so much time.
A two-hour Fantasy Suite episode with no rose ceremony? A freakin "Women Tell All" special?!
What are you doing to us, Chris Harrison?!
We fall for it every season, and it never gets any easier!
Usually by this point, we can at least take comfort in Bachelor spoilers that prevent us from living our lives in a state of constant anxiety over who receives that precious final rose.
But this season, producers have done a better-than-usual job of keeping that information under wraps.
Of course, that doesn't mean we're completely in the dark.
For example, we know the identities of Peter's final two contestants.
Despite Madison Prewett's no-sex ultimatum and her decision to walk away from her most recent date with Peter, the Alabama native survives the Fantasy Suite round, along with Hannah Ann Sluss.
Yes, that means Victoria Fuller will be sent packing next week, which probably won't come as much of a surprise to anyone who witnessed her scandalous hometown date ... or really, anything else she's done all season.
The real question, of course, is what happens next?
The last we saw Madison, she was storming off after learning that Peter had lived out his suite fantasies with both Hannah Ann and Victoria.
It was a controversial moment, with some fans comparing Madison to Luke Parker for trying to foist her religious beliefs on someone who doesn't share them, and others praising her for the courage of her convictions.
Either way, we can all agree she probably should've mentioned those views a little earlier in the competition, right?
Anyway, despite Madison's conspicuous absence in a preview of next week's rose ceremony, fans are convinced that Peter "goes after her," and is successful in his pursuit.
There's a lot to support this theory.
For one, we have the now-infamous clip of Peter's mom tearfully begging her son to chase after one of the women.
We don't know who she's talking about, but it's almost certainly Madison, as the two women hit it off early in the season.
And then there's that clip of Peter tearfully apologizing to ... someone.
Again, we can't see who he's talking to, but Madison is the most likely candidate as the person he's apologized to the most this season.
Still not convinced?
Well, the folks at Cosmo have unearthed a new clue that seems to point to serve as further proof that Peter and Madison are quietly dating.
You see, Peter has been working with an organization called Seed to Mountain Ministries.
Madison's father is a longtime follower of the group's Instagram page, and this week, they finally followed him back.
This might not sound like a big deal, but the man known as "Coach Prew" is quite judicious with his follows -- hell, he doesn't even follow Peter!
Interestingly, Madison also follows Seed to Mountain, so make of that what you will.
Of course, the most convincing evidence that Peter winds up with Madison is that that's the official prediction of spoiler-master Reality Steve, who knows more about this stuff than anyone who wasn't there for the final rose ceremony.
"I have heard from numerous sources 'Madison is with Peter. They are dating but not engaged,'" Steve wrote on his blog last week.
"If you’re holding a gun to my head and forced me to [guess] how this all plays out, [that] would be my guess at this point."
So if Steve is correct in his prediction, then Madison gets the final rose, but is still ringless and in full possession of her V-card.
Sounds like a suitably anti-climactic ending to one of this show's flattest seasons yet.
