Last year, Demi Lovato came out as nonbinary after a lengthy period of reflection and self-examination.
They shared their pronouns (they/them), noting more than once that — just like everyone else — they are a work in progress.
Demi has now posted an update to their bio featuring new pronouns.
To those who have followed Demi’s journey, this is not really a surprise.
Social media bios are an ideal place to put basic information — not personal revealing info, but how others should address you.
Like most people, Demi’s Instagram bio includes pronouns, now featuring a quiet and subtle update.
In addition to “they/them,” Demi also lists “she/her.”
This is a change from Demi’s previous bio.
Since coming out as nonbinary in the public sphere, she had listed “they/them” only.
Demi’s update is not unusual for anyone, particularly for members of the trans and specifically the nonbinary community.
What does this mean? Well … that Demi is open to a couple more pronouns.
“They” and “them” have been used as gender-neutral singular pronouns for centuries — actually predating the plural use of “you.”
And “she” and “her” are only slightly older pronouns, used primarily but not exclusively to refer to women.
Demi isn’t a woman, however; she’s nonbinary, and is open to both pronouns.
Just like clothing, genitals, and more do not define gender, the pronouns that someone uses don’t dictate gender any more than their name does.
Both have gendered applications, to be sure, but there are men named Ashley and women named Richard. They’re all just words — useful ones, but not identities.
Demi admitted in the past that she, even before this update in her bio, didn’t begrudge anyone a slip of the tongue.
“If you misgender me — that’s OK. I accidentally misgender myself sometimes,” Demi shared last year.
They continued: “As long as you keep trying to respect my truth, and as long as I remember my truth, that shift will come naturally.”
Demi went on to express: “I’m just grateful for your effort in trying to remember what means so much to my healing process.”
In other interviews, she also admitted that there is a non-zero chance that Demi might identify in various ways over the course of their life.
Demi hinted that she could one day discover that she’s her best self as a man. So could anyone.
Sometimes, when someone comes out as nonbinary but is fine with their existing pronouns on top of they/them pronouns, their coming out gets largely ignored.
Referring to someone as “she” is fine if that’s one of their pronouns. If people only ever refer to them as “she” … it starts to feel like a deliberate slight.
By the same token, more binary trans folks who are ordinarily fine with they/them pronouns might find people deliberately show hostility to their transitions by only using they/them and never he/him or she/her.
Demi probably did herself a favor by initially using they/them exclusively, and now opening up to she/her in their bio.
It got all of us in the habit of using they/them pronouns for her, a habit that we should continue, albeit not exclusively.
(All of us — even those of us with numerous trans friends — sometimes need time to learn how to refer to someone whom we previously knew by another name or pronouns)
Unfortunately, we’re sure that certain hateful weirdos are going to spin this as Demi walking back being nonbinary.
That’s … not what this is. Again, pronouns are not gender. Gender is a social construct rooted in how you fit into a culture, and it’s much more complex than a simple part of speech.
But let’s be clear that someone’s gender identity can change just as much as their favorite color — multiple times in their life, or not at all. Demi is no exception.
